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Life had been hard until recently, when my professional and personal life took a different turn. Today, I am well settled in my job (‘Well settled’ does not mean the disappearance of the anti social bitches at work; for your information, my reporting structure consists of 3 females) and my personal life at this point seems perfect to anyone (by which I mean my gay friends) and everyone (again the gay community, as I am still not open to the rest of the world).

But what exactly is perfect?

What exactly is being happy?.

And how exactly do you know, that this is the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with?

And I am so sure that it’s not alone me, who has these dilemmas in life, all of you do too.

My mom has come down and is staying with me and my boyfriend (of course she doesn’t know and doesn’t suspect; the beauty of being in India, denial as an emotion runs high in our genes). As I write this, my mom’s in the bedroom taking a nap and boyfriend’s lying beside me doing some kind of an exercise (Well! For a change or else he is busy cleaning up the house; satisfying his OCD – Obsessive compulsive disorder). And at this point after almost a year of waiting for the whole thing with my boyfriend to be perfect, I can secretly say that the whole thing has collapsed but I can’t leave him as I have forgotten my life without him besides I still love him( but the magic has vanished).

I don’t blame him for this, as I got into the relationship expecting from the start that he will at a later date change. What right do I have to expect him to change, because I can’t , and I really mean can’t no matter how hard I try; change myself.

I keep asking myself, am I mean and selfish but the answer I get is “you tried your best, but if you can’t, you just can’t” – Reality.

And I thought the dream has come true…………..

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